I’m so excited to finally be writing about my first trip as a self-proclaimed solo spiritual traveler from a sacred lake shrine. Last weekend, I took my first spiritual excursion and drove 5 hours south to Los Angeles, California – The City of Angels! Coincidence? No such thing. However, I didn’t realize this until I was half way there. That shows me I wasn’t entirely present already. How did I not put 2 and 2 together? But that’s what I’m here for – growth, awareness, change. The first place I wanted to visit was the Self-Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine.
This beautiful magical sacred place is called the Self-Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine and Temple, founded in 1920 by Paramahansa Yogananda. They offer meditation and prayer services inside the temple which is what initially caught my attention. They welcome all faiths and religions and use the word God as the umbrella title. I learned that I do not resonate with the word god, probably because of christian stigmas, and I choose the word source. On Fridays they offer a 2 hour group meditation and chanting session for anyone to join. I did not know what I was getting myself into, but I was excited for my first activity out on this spiritual quest. My goal is to learn and feel what is meant for me.
My Experience at the Temple
I wrote in my diary as soon as I finished. “I went to the meditation and chanting class tonight. It was ok. I didn’t have any profound thoughts or ideas but I’m fine with that. My mind has been a little scattered all week, I blame it on the moon. Also, it was 2 hours of silence. I normally do guided meditations that last 15-20 minutes, or one that talks me to sleep, so I was not prepared for something like this, but again that is still ok. How else do you get better at this meditation unless you actually do this meditation? So I did. I stuck it through. My back was killing me. I was able to slow and lessen my thoughts though even though no epiphany’s. It was still worth it and it will help prepare me to practice again tomorrow when I visit the lake shrine.”
Honestly, that was a difficult meditation for me at this point in my journey, so I was trying not to feel disappointed. Also, I found out the lake shrine and gardens were already closed by the time I arrived Friday night because it was dark, which meant I had to come back the next day. Boy oh boy, am I glad I had to come back because my experience at the lake shrine was very moving and different for me. That first night I only got to experience the temple part of this whole place.
I ended up going back on Sunday to do my own meditation with the goal again, to be open and in the receiving mode for whatever needed to come to me. I walked around the lake shrine and found the perfect bench to sit and let the universe flow through me and give me whatever messages I needed to hear. Enjoying the silence, I began to be at peace and write whatever note came to me from source. I copied down everything word for word from my journal, with the intention to be raw, open, and authentic.
My Messages at the Lake Shrine
“I’m at the lake shrine sitting near Gandhi’s ashes. My intention is to allow my mind to flow and then quiet so I can be open and in the receiving mode as I contact source… god… and the angels. Please help me remove all blockages to reveal love and peace for myself and every creature on this planet.”
“I have had a hard time listening to what I want – when to end a conversation, when to hang up the phone, when to create boundaries and also when to speak up —> throat chakra. “
This weekend I learned that my biggest obstacle is my self-consciousness. How ironic. I am so concerned with what the external world thinks, sees, and says about me that I will ruin my own peace to make them feel happy. Now that I know this, I can start to make a change.
“Non-sexual intimacy – not every male you meet has to be a potential romantic partner. Nor do they all want that from you. Trust. “
So, this to me comes from past trauma and experiences. Looking back, I remember my ex used to always tell me that men and women couldn’t be friends because all men want is sex. Yet, before I met him, most of my friends were men, and I had not slept with them. What’s the deal? Being more aware to red flags now, I can see that this was insecurities on his part. A way to keep me away from other men. This went on for so many years that obviously I started to believe it. When I do encounter men, I feel uncomfortable because of the dynamic of my past relationship. Now, I am in the process of relearning how to be social with men, to eliminate this feeling of discomfort and lack of safety. He made me believe all men are unsafe and after me.
“I channeled my father, imagining him sitting on my left side. I asked my angels to give me warmth, to hug me, as I sat there and got cold. Then, I felt that warmth immediately on my left arm where I imagined my father was.”
This one right here was pretty amazing. In my grief meditations I can envision him, so I saw him sitting next to me on the bench with me. The wind was cold, but I wanted to stay and continue to listen, so I asked my angels to wrap my body in an embrace to keep me warm. I felt warmth first on my left arm as if he was comforting me, because of course by now I’m already crying. Then the cold went away and I no longer felt it.
“The meditation class was wrong for you, but the lake was right.”
Hmm, so yes, I believe this to be true. But I don’t know if it was because mentally I wasn’t prepared for 2 hours of silence, or because I had gotten the wrong vibe from someone. I don’t want to go into a bunch of detail and say something negative about the place in the process. I am very interested in going back to the lake shrine, but not interested in visiting the temple ever again.
“Every person outside the hostel I met had very deep meaningful conversations with me about spirituality. This s not a coincidence.”
So beautiful to be in alignment and able to listen to the messages and follow where source is trying to take you. Normally, I am social anxiety city, but somehow, each person I ended up sitting near started talking to me. I handled myself nicely, but we always ended up talking about spirituality. This made me feel high. To finally find humans that think similar and have similar goals just blew me away. My entire life has been spent feeling like I do not fit it. I think that’s because I was never supposed to fit in with the people in my past. I’ve always felt like an alien that everyone was staring at.
“I am worthy.”
To me, this is heavy. I realized that when someone asks me what I like about myself, I am speechless. I do not love myself and physically could not voice the words “I am worthy” out loud. That sounds CRAZY to me! This inspired me to start saying nice things about myself to myself, out loud, and in a mirror if I’m around one. I really need to turn this self-love issue around. I am all I have left!